The reason I stopped dancings..

The reason I stopped dancings..
 

okay guys so I've been getting questions about why I stopped dancing and to be honest it's been a hurtful decision, yet the best one I could have ever made. 

I was killing myself slowly and now I can admit that. I was dancing because It was something I new how to do, and I thought it was the only thing I could do. There was a time when I loved dancing. It was away to express who I was at the time. Then, when I got older, It was away to feel in control. Of course, when you're a curtain age there are things you should be aloud to do and for me I hated that. 

 

Soon Dancing wasn't fun anymore, I start focusing on my weight more and more. (before I got sick, I was bigger.) and soon I started doing unhealthy things to get rid of it. When I got sick I got this high off of being able to see my ribs and my thighs not touching. I thought that that's what all the choreographers would want me to look like. I would be picked for all the "GOOD" roles. 

 

 I started having digestive issues. and had to take laxatives to relieve the pain I would feel in my gut. after a while I noticed that it was also keeping my weight down. I continued that until one day I got so sick and Dehydrated I could barely walk. That' was a warming. 

 

Today, I'm struggling with bulimia (Binging and Purging.) and now I'm dealing with chest pain, my body doesn't move the way it's suppose to, I'm tired more, and my body just hurts sometimes. I'm still hurting about so many things that I've gone through, but I'm strong enough to admit that I need help; and I'm getting help. 

 

This was really hard for me to talk about. I cry almost everyday now because I feel like some people don't get why I'm the way I am and I know I shouldn't give people that much power, but still little thing affect me in the worse way. That's one reason why I haven't written any posts in a while because I have been far from okay. I'm still sad, and scared, and a bit of an outsider. I know one day everything I'm going through is for a reason, but still in doesn't change the fact that I've been hurt by so many things and so many people, and as old as I am It still gets to me.

 

 I had to get this off my chest. Thank you guys for being here for me.

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