Saturday, July 19, 2014

My story pt.1

My life from four years ago to 2013


   For years all I wanted to be was a dancer. After school, I would practice for hours and hours on end. It was hard work but I still enjoyed every minute of it. (so I thought.)

   One day, I looked in the mirror and absolutely did not like what I saw. I thought I was too big to be a dancer, (which is a horrible thought because no matter what size you are if you love dancing then that is what your are.. a dancer!) I became so terrified at what I thought others would think or say about me. (which is stupid!)

  The next time I go to dance practice, I try to get the mean thoughts about my self out of my head and try to focus in class. It's cross the floor time and I'm about to do a “grand jete” (for some people who don't know what that is, it's sort of like a leap across the floor.) that was the day I tore my Hamstring and lost all self confidence.

   The Year 2011, I feel healthy enough to go back to dance class. just for fun this time. I was super competitive and I wasn't even competing in any big competitions.

   On my way back to class, that cold Wednesday night, I get this weird feeling in my head. I just brush it off like it was nothing and continue doing whatever I was doing I don't remember. Then, I feel it again. This time I know something wrong! My heart starts pounding like a drummer in a rock band in my chest! My body is cold, my head is spinning, I can't breath. Then all of a sudden, I pass out in the back seat of my mom's car.

  When I open my eyes, I'm still in the car, still feeling as crazy as ever!

   Finally my mom pulls into a target parking lot and calls 9.1.1
When the paramedics arrive they asked me all these questions: name, birthday. Phone number etc.

   They knew exactly what had happened. I had a panic attack!!

   At the time I had no idea what a panic attack was, let alone that I had anxiety! That was the first time anything like that had ever happened to me. I thought I was having a heart attack! It was all so scary.

   The next week I'm still dealing with these crazy anxiety attacks. They weren't as bad as they were the first time but they were still very strong.

   From that point on, dancing was never the same. I felt like my purpose in life was shattered, I couldn't pay attention in class anymore (seriously, when ever the choreographer was talking she would start to sound like the teacher in those charlie brown cartoons.) I got to the point where my life was a downward spiral and I needed a break so I stopped everything until year 2012.